A Place Where I Can Let Go

RoadShow?? Dear God Its Fucking Tiring

2007-04-04T05:37:00.000-07:00

Lets see how i should start. well it started when my teacher though she says shes more a of a lecturer and i wont argue about that. anyways this is how it went down, i was standing in the main lobby of my school ( i call it a lobby to make it sound more interesting, but in reality its not, its more like a reception area) when my teacher asked me if id like to join a roadshow. well i guess i was in a good mood that day cause i kinda said yes. anyway, first day was like we give out stuff like fliers, booklets amongst other things. well that was exhausting. well i guess i was amongst friends so i didnt mind helpin out and i had to admit it was kinda fun cause i had a girl name fatin helping me out though she hates the fact that i smoke. she kicks and punches me alot due to it. oh yea my smoking buddy habir wasnt treated the same way only i was banged and bruised ( though i say it hurts but it really doesnt since well ive felt much worst over the years).

second day, i came prepared. although i came a tad bit late, i made it on time to the road show. the girls said my hair was messed up but my guy friends said it was okay. i guess it had something to do with fatin fixing it up. oh yea since fatin has this keen sense of smell she can detect if i took a smoking break or not last time. so i brought my perfume to help me hide the smell. arnt i clever. but due to the lack of sleep, i was really tired to start with and some parts of my body still hurt. but i held my ground and stayed even though i was in agony. like ive always said " hey, its only pain ". oh yeah i wondered y the second day turned out to be the opening for the roadshow, i guess people who planned the roadshow was on crack or something. it was just fucked up. i used up all my energy on the first day and had little time to recover due to my late night friends ( if you know what i mean *winks*). early in the morning i thought i could rest up a bit, HELL NO. crowds swarmed in like bees. and by 11 i was running on reserves. this was due to some people who baled out. i guess the saying is true, " when the going gets tough, the tough gets going ". luckly i had fatin and miss may to back me up. when the day ended, my so tired that i slept in the living room cause i could get up the stairs.

third day, well it hasnt happened yet but, its tomorrow so i resting my mind body and soul. so the first thing ill do, go to doom, pick up a mocca latte espresso and hope it lasts the whole day.

My Future?? Hm I Guess Thats A Good Question

2007-03-13T06:46:00.000-07:00

Well All I Can Say Is:

PAST = Cant Do Anything About It

Present = Im Always Thinking About It

Future = Nothing Is Certain, So, Dont Think Much About It.

Any Other Questions?

Ask Me In Msn At Khai55@hotmail.com

Play Time In School~

2007-03-13T06:15:00.000-07:00

yesterday i had a bunch laughs with my friends in school. we were playin kiddy/adlut games. 1st game had something to do with acting like one of the 3 animals which i have no idea what they are since we kinda changed it over and over again. id explain it but, i think its kinda stupid and its gives me a headache. funny thing about that game was a girl named izian where everytime she acts out an eagle, she does this kung fu pose, funny thing is, thats no eagle and she cant help but lift that leg of hers everytime she does it hahahah.

second game we played was a game called balloon, where we block every one thats was a balloon. i guess we were the needles or something. but something bad happened !!!!!!. i smacked something i didnt want to smack. i freaked out. seriously. i usually dont freak out since it was a girls ass. maybe its because i see her as a sister more than just a girl. but still ewww, soft but ewww. i guess all i can say about that is :
smack that, all on the floor,
smack that, give me some more,
smack that, 'till you get sore
smack that, oooh.
( Akon Feat Eminem : Smack That™ )

there was another game after that called bang. someone points and the one that got shot ducts and the people on the right and left side of the one that got shot shoots each other ( sounds simple but kinda complicated at times ). its like a quick draw thing. i lost in the 1st round *sigh*. i guess i not that good at the draw cause i shoot kinda slow, but isnt that a good thing huh girls *winks*

last game we played was my fav one. its called HONEY DO YOU LOVE ME. people sit in a circle and one person in the middle says honey do you love me. the object of this game is to make the person sitting down laugh by sayin honey do u love me plus some funny expressions or acts. i just wuv that game~.

Got My Licence Back Muahahahah

2007-03-11T06:19:00.000-07:00

a few months ago some time last year, i was in a car accident where i crashed into a shop, yea a shop~. anyways, the fucking police took my licence away till further notice and said that i couldnt drive for awhile until my court date which theyll tell me in the near future. near future my ass. well its the police, so i kinda expected that since their usually are full of bullshit.

today, on this glorious day i got my licence back!!!!!. the first thing i did was checked if my dad old bmw was fixed yet. well it wasnt 1oo% fixed but it starts. well so i took it out the garage and drove without even thinking where i was going. i was just happy i guess for just being able to get behind the wheel of a car again, legally~.

though i was a bit rusty since i havnt driven a car like that for months. all i drove was a slow ass land rover. as soon as i got into the driver seat, i slower pulled out the drive way and took off. i was driving again~ weeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

wouldnt u know it, to think i wouldve learnt my lesson by now. without realizing it, i was going near 140kmh. another 40kmh i wouldve been going as fast as i was back then when my car skidded and crashed into a shop. but i guess when the adrenaline is pumping, you just lose yourself and just enjoy what youve missed so much. i guess old habits are hard to kill.

well after awhile i stopped at a workshop since my dad told me to go bring the car for a check up. there was a bunch of problems with it. i mean seriously, it was like riding in a death trap but i didnt really care. got a msg from a friend sayin i should come to school cause there was a meeting. so i zoomed off. smiling all the way to school and back~.

if i had a day to live, id spend it driving as fast as my car could take me on a never ending road.

Relationships - Is It Based On Love Or BullShit!!

2007-03-10T02:45:00.000-08:00

ah~ love, how sweet it is to be in love, the very first week of being in love is like being on cloud 9 where you float around endlessly without a care in the world. but soon after youll find yourself going down in flames as the love you felt before turns into boredom or even hate.

being in a relationship, boys and girls, men and women, gays, lesbians, bisexuals or whatever floats your boat, its fun right, to be in a relationship where you can find comfort in the one you love~, yea right BULLSHIT!!!!. having that kind of relationship is like finding a needle in a hay stack, chance are, one in a million. nowadays guys and girls changes boyfriends and girlfriends as much as they change their underwear ( if u dont change underwear often then seriously your sick to the bone, disgusting and you need serious help ).

the first few weeks would totally be the best moments of the relationship, where theres the exchange of i love you and i miss you phrases. but do you guys even know what those words mean. people use those phrases like its was your typical word like okay, sure, hello and fuck you. there use to be a time where i love you meant something, now its like i love you means something entirely different. example of i love you meanings " sex " "need money" "showing off" and a bunch of other stuff.

to say im good with relationships is just bullshit since i have problems when im in one. well im a guy meaning i get jealous. but is it cause im in love? partly yes but most of it no, shes mine and mine alone, im not the type that shares. if you are the type that shares, fuck you and hopefully youll die a painful death and dont worry, your grave will be watered everyday. ill make sure ill take a piss on your grave everyday.

i dont really care much about other peoples relationship since who am i to say all this since im not even experience enough to fucking tell you guys how to make a relationship work. if id knew that, id be married to the first girl i fell in love with waaaaaay~ back in the day. but this is my views so let me be. got a problem with it , go make your own blog. im only doing this cause seriously i have nothing better to do right now. LOSER? yes i am, and im proud of it.

well love and relationship use to be a wonderful thing, now its just something someone like me cant even describe, but i can say this, to all who have an everlasting love relationship, keep it going and dont let small things come between you and to all the rest, here one way to keep a relationship going, DONT FUCKING CHEAT. thats it for now. maybe ill add something more after i get some sleep.

My Religion??? Youve Got To Be Kidding !!!

2007-03-09T06:24:00.001-08:00

Religion? what is it really? well, the dictionary says " Its a particular set of beliefs in a god or gods and activities connected with these beliefs. " now~ in other words its our own beliefs that makes religion. odd huh, theres a bunch of religions, though to me, well there are all the same. well im not gonna tell you what religion i believe in ( well more like i was born with ) since i dont want to be bias.

well to start off, i dont really embrace my religion as some others do. i believe that what i do is because of my own decisions in life. to say i dont believe in my own religion is stupid, i was born and raised with the knowledge of my religion and its past. although ive forgotten 99% of it along the way, but im sure its still somewhere deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep down inside me. i just need reminding time to time.

well i dont like people who tend to give the speeches about how i should really embrace my own religion cause seriously, im not that stupid to not know i should embrace it. i just dont want to. ive got a lot more stuff to think about other than a faith that was bestowed on me on the day i was born. people switch religions everyday, go tell them their heretics.

i do believe there is a god and i do pray to him once in a while, but seriously, sayin im lost and need saving is just is abunch of bullshit!. i dont need anyone telling me that im lost, cause im not, and i certainly dont need people telling me i should get closer to god, id rather get closer to the cute girl at the mall, shes warm, cuddly and can take me to heaven depending on my stamina.

i believe my destiny is based on decisions ill make or have made, if it turns out bad, ill try again. oh yeah the heaven and hell thing, i dont believe in that actually, hence why i do some things my religion tells me not to do cause life is more fun that way. by the teaching of my religion, the way im living my life, i should be going down under when i die and i dont mean Australia.

well religion means nothing to me, im not into that mambo jambo crap that i do bad things i go to hell i do good things i go to heaven. what i believe in, i live and i die, once dead ill become protein for the planet, in other words when we die, we are like the shit you use as fertilizer. have a happy life and just remember, we are all turned into shit once we die or worm food, which ever is better for you.

may god blast us all

My Thoughts - Finally A Place I Can Call Home

2007-03-09T04:20:00.000-08:00

i need a place where i can gather my thoughts, let go of all the nonsense and release the hatred inside me. its really too much for a guy like me to handle because of the constant problems i have about my life.

first of all, i need to re-evaluate my goals, which are:
1. to finish what was left undone from my teen years
2. to find myself
3. to take control over my life
4. show the fucking finger to the police
5. to screw the fucking government over

well its not much but its easier said than done.

its kinda sickening to think that i was humble to begin with, i wonder where i lost my way. i guess i made mistakes along the way but i cant help it, im only human, if i were perfect id be gay!. why should i care what people think when they themselves cant understand the bullshit that comes outta their mouths to begin with. i dont judge a person by how they are but how they choose to lead their lives.

ive been told not to suppress my thoughts and problems and just talk about it with someone i trust, yea like that helps, they would just fucking judge me like everyone else. some say i have issues with sharing which i admit is true. why should i bloody share my problems when they themselves have problems that they cant deal with, why should i burden them with my problems, which to me is just stupid.

people tell me their problems which i tend to help them with although my advices may not be worth taking since im only going on past experiences i had over the 21 years of my meaningless life. i shouldve died along time ago but yet im still here which is ironic. what i mean by ironic is that the people who deserve to live goes down with one incident where i cant even die with six incidents. isnt that funny? god must be laughing his freaking head off if he had a head. latest, i was in a car accident where my car flipped over, crashed into a shop and was engulfed in flames and yet here i am writing my thought in this blog.

i am grateful, dont get me wrong but, why save me? why save someone who doesnt appreciate life the way others do? why not save the people in Africa? people suffering in Afghanistan? or save the people who are worth saving?. i guess im still worth saving huh? do i have a purpose? am i destine to live whilst others suffer? or should i really just think of it as a blessing? whats that saying, count your blessings? well lets see, 1.......... yea~